Human 1:

    Breaker, Breaker, this is SamGam the Gullman, circling above what appears to be a vagabond. We have what looks to be some remains of takeout on the bench next to him on the bench. But I’m seeing what looks to be a flock of small budgies tied to his overcoat. This man is no easy mark, he looks to be a professional bird catcher. I am throwing caution to the wind and will be proceeding to go, excuse my language, complete ape-shit on this son-of-a-bitch to get what is mine.

Human: 3 +4 = 7 

Roll: 2 + 2(Go All In) = 4 Failure

Total Food: 0

    Breaker, Breaker, this is SamGam the Gullman, and I am retreating from the operation! Repeat, I am retreating! The mission was a failure, this vagabond is no joke! He doesn’t fall for any of the old tricks, or the new tricks! His highly-trained budgies will attack on sight, and he will try to catch you with his net. Repeat: do not approach! 

Human 2:

    Breaker, Breaker, this is SamGam the Gullman, returning again to the mission. I have recovered from my previous encounter and I am seeing what appears to be an out-of-towner. This mission is a sure success and I’m seeing what appears to be some apple slices sitting next to them on the beach. They are completely defenseless and I will be approaching.

Human: 0 + 0 = 0

Roll: 1 Success!

Total Food: 1

    Breaker, Breaker, this is SamGam the Gullman, mission was successful! Repeat: Mission was successful! The mark did not know what hit them and did not notice as I ate all of their snacks. They did not even turn around as I swallowed them one by one. This was a needed success after the previous failure. 

Human 3:

    Breaker, Breaker, this is SamGam the Gullman, and I have spotted my next target. One of the good smelling places has a uniform-human out on their mandatory break. They are headed out to the dumpster and will be opening it up shortly. It's a small window of opportunity but I will be taking it. 

Human: 3 +0 = 3

Roll: 9 Success! 

Total Food: 1 + 0 = 1

    Breaker, Breaker, this is SamGam the Gullman, this was a success only on a technicality. I dove right in that dumpster and swallowed the nearest thing I could find before the uniform-human screeched at me and started to bang on the dumpster. The problem being it was an old smelly banana peel. This won’t do good for my stomach but this does mark it down as a success. 

Human 4:

    Breaker, Breaker, this is SamGam the Gullman, I am approaching one of the dock workers as we speak. I can see them clearly chewing on something in their mouth and passing it around to the other workers before returning to their concertina. I cannot see what it is but my gut tells me it is something tasty. I will have to approach with caution as I know these dockworkers will be expecting my presence. I think I will be using my special-ops Window Maneuver. 

Human: 3 + 3 = 6

Roll: 10 + 2(Window Maneuver) = 12 Success! 

Total Food: 1 + 0 = 1

    Breaker, Breaker, this is SamGam the Gullman, and this is another technical success. Operation Window was a smashing hit. I flew right into the window and knocked myself out for a brief second for two while they approached. When they were looking over me I flew up and over to the target but I could not find anything except old gum. These humans are craftier than I thought and boy does that concertina have a long reach. I will be avoiding this area until the heat dies down.

Human 5:

    Breaker, Breaker, this is SamGam the Gullman, and I have found my last mark for the day. The busker is back on the streets and she has once again left her apple slices unguarded. They must be having a sale on apples down at the market. I am still starving since I have not found anything good and will be Going All In on this operation. 

Human: 3 +2 = 5

Roll: 3 + 2(Go All In) = 5 Failure 

Total Food: 1

    Breaker, Breaker, this is SamGam the Gullman, I am aborting the mission! She has gotten more crafty than before! I cannot tell what way she is looking! She has devised some sort of device over her face and I cannot see her! This is a big Mission Failure from SamGam the Gullman.

MISSION REPORT:

How satiated are you?

STILL HUNGRY :(

How does the food make you feel?

I'M SO HUNGRY I NEED MORE

Do you regret anything you ate?

THE BANANA PEEL WAS A MISTAKE

Do you feel remorse or guilt for having taken someone else’s food?

NO. 

Did you attack anyone twice?

NO

Would you do it again?

YES. SIGN ME UP FOR A NEW MISSION