You need to find an old file and after searching and searching the only place that you could find it was on a super sketchy hosting site. Can you navigate through strange links, pop ups and viruses to get your file? Or will your computer become too infected to function?
Game Content WarningsThese are content warnings that are from the game prompts and are present in all playthroughs.
Playthrough Content WarningsThese are content warnings specific to this playthrough only.
Word Count: 2,257 Played: Nov 28, 2022
This game was originally played by tweeting, if you would like to read it on twitter Click Here
A/N: While tweeting I mixed up the prompts for the King of Hearts and the Ace of hearts, it has been corrected in the version below, but not on twitter
3 of Diamonds: Stable Connection, when you roll d6, -1 from result
4 of Spades: Anti-Virus Software: When queen is revealed, its effect also effects virus cards
9 of Spades: Weird Wifi- When you reveal an Ace you must choose two columns of cards and swap their positions
7 of Hearts: DARK MODE: once per game you may swap the position of two rows of cards
10 of Spades: If you could change one thing about your computer what would it be?
I had to buy a new laptop around 2 years ago because I exploded a thermos of coffee on the old one. I wish this one were waterproof too
Queen of Hearts: You have to do a captcha of animal
Holy shit, I have to do a captcha to go onto the next page. It wants me to look at pictures of fish? Like, it's got dolphins on it and stuff too
7 of Spades: What is your favorite thing about your computer?
When I got the new laptop at least the keys lit up. I can actually see them in case I need to use the number pad or something
6 of Hearts: What is the file’s format?
Did I even say what I was looking for? I'm looking for an old flash game, since flash died and some people preserved them, but it's scattered and some websites need you to download a program to let you play them, i just want a copy for myself ffs
2 Hearts: Where else have you looked for the file?
I tried searching newgrounds and other places. It was originally hosted on another site but then the owner converted to christianity and the horror section of site was purged and replaced by youtube videos of people talking about going to hell
6 of Spades: When was the last time you repaired your computer?
At least I haven't had to repair my laptop yet. SO far i haven't gotten any viruses or anything but oooohhhh boy this website is going to kill me
4 of Clubs: What is the worst thing about this site?
There are so many boobies on this site. Why are there so many naked ladies, why why why i don't want this, ma'am not now please
Ace of Spades: Download Link, Click to continue, hidden in a block of text
OK! So i found a link that says "Click to Continue" in a HUGE block of text about how the site is not responsible for viruses or malware or whatever, legal stuff
8 of Hearts: Have you seen or used the contents of the file in the past?
I vaguely remember a friend sending me this game? It was too scary because I was pretty young and I never finished it. But its been haunting (lmao) me for years and I need to know how it ends
Ace of Clubs: How is the continue button hidden?
FINally! I found another continue button! it was right under another ad picture in really small print, right next to another, larger link that said "Continue to Free iPhone"
10 of Diamonds: What other files do you think are hosted here?
So this site leaves me to believe that other flash games are hosted here? I'm seeing some screenshots and some other links for games but who knows how many of them are viruses?
Jack of Clubs: A fake warning appears, what is it?
Fuck! I accidentally clicked a popup as I was trying to go to the next page. Now I have a warning that says my computer is running out of RAM and I need to download this other something or other.
2 of Diamonds: What else are you doing while you wait for the download to start?
At least I'm here on twitter, complaining to all of you while I try to wait for the pages to load. Hope you're having fun too
Queen of Spades: A captcha where you have to write out text
hnnnnng another captcha. this time I have to type out, and I counted, 45 numbers. what the fuck what the fuck this feels like something ONLY a computer would be able to do
8 of Diamonds: What is the worst file you’ve ever downloaded?
Remember lime wire?? For real though, who put up those mp3s of clinton saying "i did not have sex with that woman" I mean who has the time to label all of them? Or who has the time to write a program to do that? Why? You were wasting your own time too!
3 of Spades: What do the popups say on the site?
Omfg I got a popup advertisement for parrot dating. Not people with parrots, but dating FOR your pet parrots
King of Spades: A phishing page, what site does it try to emulate
Heyo!!! I got my first phishing site for "Twitter2.0" advertising that Muskrat has launched the new twitter.
8 of Spades: What is your least favorite thing about your computer?
I really do like my laptop, but its marketed for the edgy gamer types and when I access some of the features like the fan I have to see shit like this
5 of Diamonds: Do you think anyone else has used this site recently?
This site is so crunch, holy shit. This looks like 90's era crunch. I love it, but also it is so suspicious, like how can they not know? Unless its made to look that way on purpose....
King of Hearts: What is the fake news site?
Lmao they tried to redirect me to fox news.
Queen of Clubs: You have to identify a vehicle
Oh my goooood another captcha. this time it's trains. There's one behind a tree? does this count? can barely see it
8 of Clubs: Who made this site?
There's some weird company logo in the bottom with a logo of a woodchuck that says "Chuckin through the internet" :/
4 of Hearts: If this file doesn’t work what will you do?
I'm starting to get to the phase where I dont' think it's going to work. Is this file worth it? Could I be doing better things with my time? Who knows? I guess if it doesn't work then I'll probably give up on this game forever
2 of Spades : Is this website slowing your computer down?
I can barely tweet, the website is making everything lag so much. I might have to swap to my phone to continue complaining
9 of Hearts: How long did it take you to find this page?
Listen, it took about an hour of searching for a site that MIGHT even have this game, so if this isn't it, then I won't be able to find it anywhere. I had to go through the archives of a notorious tumblr user to even find it in the first place
10 of Hearts: Where did you find the link to download this page?
Going through the archives was proving impossible so I finally had to just search for "scary games [tumblr user]" and hope for the best when clicking the links provided
5 of Clubs: Have you ever used this site before? If so, why?
I've never even heard of this place before. There are so many file hosting sites out there. This one is sketchy, but they all seem incredibly sketchy. Even this big name ones all have some shady shit they are up to
Jack of Diamonds: The site wants access to my files. Why?
Great. Now the site says they want access to all the files on my computer so that it "can have access to be able to put the file in them" .. ffs
Jack of Hearts: A fake download link appears. What did it actually download?
Shit, they almost got me. This download link looked legit but it started to download something called "find-friends-now" goddamn it
2 of Clubs: Why do you think this site exists?
Man, sites like this are so insidious. They sometimes DO actually have the things you want but they are so riddled with scammy viruses and shit. I wonder if the og owners have any control over it at all anymore?
Queen of Diamonds: Audio Captcha, what does it say?
There is. Another. Fucking. Captcha. This one is audio because fuck visually impaired people I guess. It's, I think this is a bible verse? Help???
10 of Clubs: How long have you been on the site?
oh my god I've been here for over an hour.... is this worth it? is it?? IS IT?
6 of Clubs: What is the most eye catching thing about this site?
Why are there so many flashing banners? I thought these were banned? The red and yellow ones with the warning sign? How are these still around?
Ace of Diamonds: You spot a skip button somewhere on the site. Where is it?
There's a skip button! FInally!! I thought i was going to have to sit through another long advertisement! it was near the bottom left corner. why is it always there???
6 of Diamonds: Are you using your usual browser or a different one?
In hindsight I should have used TOR for this. It would have taken much longer but safer? Probably? I mean it can't stop me from downloading a virus if I really want to...
9 of Clubs: What country do you think this site is based?
Look a site with this much p0rn advertisement has to be american right? but i guess there are pervs everywhere (jk support sex work)
5 of Spades: Has your computer ever had a virus before?
I remember having lots of viruses when I was younger around, 2005 maybe? there was one that was just straight up p0rn popups and I didn't know what to do other than run CleanUp! over and over until it went away. Eventually i got a popup message apologizing from the owners
3 of Diamonds: Has your anti virus said anything about this site?
I would like to personally apologize to all the anti-virus software which is making my computer run super hot.
3 of Clubs: What ad actually catches your eye?
Um, now its advertising plushies to me. Um. What. Why. I mean, i thought this was a site for h0rny people. Help?
9 of Diamonds: Do you think you’ll re-upload the file elsewhere?
King of Clubs: The site tries to redirect you to a gambling site. What is it?
Now it's trying to get me to play online blackjack??? It sent me to a site called "Hot like Ice" and the themes are fire and ice and there is a sexy devil lady and a guy with a speedo?????
5 of Hearts: Do you think this file will work?
Heyyyy I just had the though. Maybe i won't be able to run it??? um. Fuck. well. I guess I'll have to hunt down something that I'll be able to use. I mean if there's a SCUM emulator there's got to be something for this righ?
Jack of Spades: The site wants you to sign up for a premium membership
Oh god the site was me to sign up for a PrEmIuM MeMbErShIp for only $19.99 a month! Like Megauploads. Remember watching anime on that? You'd get like 1 hr an then have to wait for another 1 before you could watch the rest? Good thing my virus scanner caught the other bs
7 of Clubs: When do you think this site was last updated?
I just looked at the copyright at the bottom. Um. it says 1997-2011 help? help maybe???
4 of Diamonds: Why do you think the original uploader used this site?
I don't think this was ever a popular website, so I'm guessing the og uploader used it because they didn't want to get copyright stricken?
Ace of Hearts: You find an x that lets you close the popup window , where is it hidden?
These popups are so insidious, I don't know how they did it, but it's like a popup within a popup within a popup and the actual x button is teeny tiny and in the bottom left. How? How?
IT'S DONE. IT'S DONE I HAVE IT. HOLY SHIT ITS HERE!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU ALL FOR THIS JOURNEY! AND SPECIAL THANK YOU TO @Starshinescrib FOR MAKING THIS AMAZING GAME!